The Fortunes &
Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders &c.
Who was Born in Newgate, and
during a Life of continu'd Variety for Threescore Years, besides
her Childhood, was Twelve Year a Whore, five times a Wife (whereof once to
her own Brother), Twelve Year a Thief, Eight Year a Transported Felon in
Virginia, at last grew Rich, liv'd Honest, and dies a Penitent. Written
from her own Memorandums . . .
THE AUTHOR'S
PREFACE
The world is so taken up of late
with novels and romances, that it will be hard for a private history to be
taken for genuine, where the names and other circumstances of the person
are concealed, and on this account we must be content to leave the reader
to pass his own opinion upon the ensuing sheet, and take it just as he
pleases.
The author is here supposed to be
writing her own history, and in the very beginning of her account she gives
the reasons why she thinks fit to conceal her true name, after which
there is no occasion to say any more about that.
It is true that the original of
this story is put into new words, and the style of the famous lady we here
speak of is a little altered; particularly she is made to tell her own tale
in modester words that she told it at first, the copy which came first
to hand having been written in language more like one still in Newgate
than one grown penitent and humble, as she afterwards pretends to
be.
The pen employed in finishing her
story, and making it what you now see it to be, has had no little difficulty
to put it into a dress fit to be seen, and to make it speak language fit to
be read. When a woman debauched from her youth, nay, even being the
offspring of debauchery and vice, comes to give an account of all her vicious
practices, and even to descend to the particular occasions and circumstances
by which she ran through in threescore years, an author must be hard put to
it wrap it up so clean as not to give room, especially for vicious
readers, to turn it to his disadvantage.
All possible care, however, has
been taken to give no lewd ideas, no immodest turns in the new dressing up of
this story; no, not to the worst parts of her expressions. To
this purpose some of the vicious part of her life, which could not
be modestly told, is quite left out, and several other parts are very much
shortened. What is left 'tis hoped will not offend the chastest reader
or the modest hearer; and as the best use is made even of the worst story,
the moral 'tis hoped will keep the reader serious, even where the story might
incline him to be otherwise. To give the history of a wicked life
repented of, necessarily requires that the wicked part should be made
as wicked as the real history of it will bear, to illustrate and give a
beauty to the penitent part, which is certainly the best and brightest, if
related with equal spirit and life.
It is suggested there cannot be
the same life, the same brightness and beauty, in relating the penitent part
as is in the criminal part. If there is any truth in that suggestion, I
must be allowed to say 'tis because there is not the same taste and relish in
the reading, and indeed it is to true that the difference lies not in the
real worth of the subject so much as in the gust and palate of the
reader.
But as this work is chiefly
recommended to those who know how to read it, and how to make the good uses
of it which the story all along recommends to them, so it is to be hoped
that such readers will be more leased with the moral than the fable, with
the application than with the relation, and with the end of the writer than
with the life of the person written of.
There is in this story abundance
of delightful incidents, and all of them usefully applied. There is an
agreeable turn artfully given them in the relating, that naturally instructs
the reader, either one way or other. The first part of her lewd life
with the young gentleman at Colchester has so many happy turns given it to
expose the crime, and warn all whose circumstances are adapted to it, of the
ruinous end of such things, and the foolish, thoughtless, and abhorred
conduct of both the parties, that it abundantly atones for all the lively
description she gives of her folly and wickedness.
The repentance of her lover at
the Bath, and how brought by the just alarm of his fit of sickness to abandon
her; the just caution given there against even the lawful intimacies of
the dearest friends, and how unable they are to preserve the most solemn
resolutions of virtue without divine assistance; these are parts which, to a
just discernment, will appear to have more real beauty in them all the
amorous chain of story which introduces it.
In a word, as the whole relation
is carefully garbled of all the levity and looseness that was in it, so it
all applied, and with the utmost care, to virtuous and religious uses.
None can, without being guilty of manifest injustice, cast any
reproach upon it, or upon our design in publishing it.
The advocates for the stage have,
in all ages, made this the great argument to persuade people that their plays
are useful, and that they ought to be allowed in the most civilised and
in the most religious government; namely, that they are applied to
virtuous purposes, and that by the most lively representations, they fail not
to recommend virtue and generous principles, and to discourage and expose all
sorts of vice and corruption of manners; and were it true that they did so,
and that they constantly adhered to that rule, as the test of their acting
on the theatre, much might be said in their favour.
Throughout the infinite variety
of this book, this fundamental is most strictly adhered to; there is not a
wicked action in any part of it, but is first and last rendered unhappy and
unfortunate; there is not a superlative villain brought upon the stage,
but either he is brought to an unhappy end, or brought to be a penitent;
there is not an ill thing mentioned but it is condemned, even in the
relation, nor a virtuous, just thing but it carries its praise along with
it. What can more exactly answer the rule laid down, to recommend even
those representations of things which have so many other just objections
leaving against them? namely, of example, of bad company, obscene language,
and the like.
Upon this foundation this book is
recommended to the reader as a work from every part of which something may be
learned, and some just and religious inference is drawn, by which
the reader will have something of instruction, if he pleases to make use
of it.
All the exploits of this lady of
fame, in her depredations upon mankind, stand as so many warnings to honest
people to beware of them, intimating to them by what methods
innocent people are drawn in, plundered and robbed, and by consequence how
to avoid them. Her robbing a little innocent child, dressed fine by the
vanity of the mother, to go to the dancing-school, is a good memento to such
people hereafter, as is likewise her picking the gold watch from the young
lady's side in the Park.
Her getting a parcel from a
hare-brained wench at the coaches in St. John Street; her booty made at the
fire, and again at Harwich, all give us excellent warnings in such cases to
be more present to ourselves in sudden surprises of every
sort.
Her application to a sober life
and industrious management at last in Virginia, with her transported spouse,
is a story fruitful of instruction to all the unfortunate creatures who are
obliged to seek their re-establishment abroad, whether by the misery of
transportation or other disaster; letting them know that diligence and
application have their due encouragement, even in the remotest parts of the
world, and that no case can be so low, so despicable, or so empty of
prospect, but that an unwearied industry will go a great way to deliver us
from it, will in time raise the meanest creature to appear again
the world, and give him a new case for his life.
There are a few of the serious
inferences which we are led by the hand to in this book, and these are fully
sufficient to justify any man in recommending it to the world, and
much more to justify the publication of it.
There are two of the most
beautiful parts still behind, which this story gives some idea of, and lets
us into the parts of them, but they are either of them too long to be brought
into the same volume, and indeed are, as I may call them, whole volumes
of themselves, viz.: 1. The life of her governess, as she calls her, who
had run through, it seems, in a few years, all the eminent degrees of a
gentlewoman, a whore, and a bawd; a midwife and a midwife-keeper, as they are
called; a pawnbroker, a childtaker, a receiver of thieves, and of thieves'
purchase, that is to say, of stolen goods; and in a word, herself a
thief, a breeder up of thieves and the like, and yet at last a
penitent.
The second is the life of her
transported husband, a highwayman, who it seems, lived a twelve years' life
of successful villainy upon the road, and even at last came off so well as to
be a volunteer transport, not a convict; and in whose life there is an
incredible variety.
But, as I have said, these are
things too long to bring in here, so neither can I make a promise of the
coming out by themselves.
We cannot say, indeed, that this
history is carried on quite to the end of the life of this famous Moll
Flanders, as she calls herself, for nobody can write their own life to the
full end of it, unless they can write it after they are dead. But her
husband's life, being written by a third hand, gives a full account of
them both, how long they lived together in that country, and how they both
came to England again, after about eight years, in which time they were grown
very rich, and where she lived, it seems, to be very old, but was not so
extraordinary a penitent as she was at first; it seems only that indeed she
always spoke with abhorrence of her former life, and of every part of
it.
In her last scene, at Maryland
and Virginia, many pleasant things happened, which makes that part of her
life very agreeable, but they are not told with the same elegancy as
those accounted for by herself; so it is still to the more advantage
that we break off here.
My true name is so well known
in the records or registers at Newgate, and in the Old Bailey, and there are
some things of such consequence still depending there, relating to
my particular conduct, that it is not be expected I should set my name or
the account of my family to this work; perhaps, after my death, it may be
better known; at present it would not be proper, no not though a general
pardon should be issued, even without exceptions and reserve of persons or
crimes.
It is enough to tell you, that as
some of my worst comrades, who are out of the way of doing me harm (having
gone out of the world by the steps and the string, as I often expected to go
), knew me by the name of Moll Flanders, so you may give me leave to speak
of myself under that name till I dare own who I have been, as well as who I
am.
I have been told that in one of
neighbour nations, whether it be in France or where else I know not, they
have an order from the king, that when any criminal is condemned, either to
die, or to the galleys, or to be transported, if they leave any
children, as such are generally unprovided for, by the poverty or
forfeiture of their parents, so they are immediately taken into the care
of the Government, and put into a hospital called the House of Orphans,
where they are bred up, clothed, fed, taught, and when fit to go out, are
placed out to trades or to services, so as to be well able to provide for
themselves by an honest, industrious behaviour.
Had this been the custom in our
country, I had not been left a poor desolate girl without friends, without
clothes, without help or helper in the world, as was my fate; and by which
I was not only exposed to very great distresses, even before I was capable
either of understanding my case or how to amend it, but brought into a course
of life which was not only scandalous in itself, but which in its ordinary
course tended to the swift destruction both of soul and
body.
But the case was otherwise
here. My mother was convicted of felony for a certain petty theft
scarce worth naming, viz. having an opportunity of borrowing three pieces of
fine holland of a certain draper in Cheapside. The circumstances are
too long to repeat, and I have heard them related so many ways, that I can
scarce be certain which is the right account.
However it was, this they all
agree in, that my mother pleaded her belly, and being found quick with child,
she was respited for about seven months; in which time having brought me
into the world, and being about again, she was called down, as they term
it, to her former judgment, but obtained the favour of being transported to
the plantations, and left me about half a year old; and in bad hands, you may
be sure.
This is too near the first hours
of my life for me to relate anything of myself but by hearsay; it is enough
to mention, that as I was born in such an unhappy place, I had no
parish to have recourse to for my nourishment in my infancy; nor can I
give the least account how I was kept alive, other than that, as I have been
told, some relation of my mother's took me away for a while as a nurse, but
at whose expense, or by whose direction, I know nothing at all of
it.
The first account that I can
recollect, or could ever learn of myself, was that I had wandered among a
crew of those people they call gypsies, or Egyptians; but I believe it was
but a very little while that I had been among them, for I had not had
my skin discoloured or blackened, as they do very young to all
the children they carry about with them; nor can I tell how I came among
them, or how I got from them.
It was at Colchester, in Essex,
that those people left me; and I have a notion in my head that I left them
there (that is, that I hid myself and would not go any farther with them),
but I am not able to be particular in that account; only this I
remember, that being taken up by some of the parish officers of
Colchester, I gave an account that I came into the town with the
gypsies, but that I would not go any farther with them, and that so
they had left me, but whither they were gone that I knew not, nor could
they expect it of me; for though they send round the country to inquire after
them, it seems they could not be found.
I was now in a way to be provided
for; for though I was not a parish charge upon this or that part of the town
by law, yet as my case came to be known, and that I was too young to do
any work, being not above three years old, compassion moved
the magistrates of the town to order some care to be taken of me, and I
became one of their own as much as if I had been born in the
place.
In the provision they made for
me, it was my good hap to be put to nurse, as they call it, to a woman who
was indeed poor but had been in better circumstances, and who got a
little livelihood by taking such as I was supposed to be, and keeping them
with all necessaries, till they were at a certain age, in which it might be
supposed they might go to service or get their own
bread.
This woman had also had a little
school, which she kept to teach children to read and to work; and having, as
I have said, lived before that in good fashion, she bred up the children
she took with a great deal of art, as well as with a great deal of
care.
But that which was worth all the
rest, she bred them up very religiously, being herself a very sober, pious
woman, very house- wifely and clean, and very mannerly, and with good
behaviour. So that in a word, expecting a plain diet, coarse lodging,
and mean clothes, we were brought up as mannerly and as genteelly as if we
had been at the dancing-school.
I was continued here till I was
eight years old, when I was terrified with news that the magistrates (as I
think they called them) had ordered that I should go to service. I was
able to do but very little service wherever I was to go, except it was to
run of errands and be a drudge to some cookmaid, and this they told me of
often, which put me into a great fright; for I had a thorough aversion to
going to service, as they called it (that is, to be a servant), though I was
so young; and I told my nurse, as we called her, that I believed I could get
my living without going to service, if she pleased to let me; for she
had taught me to work with my needle, and spin worsted, which is the chief
trade of that city, and I told her that if she would keep me, I would work
for her, and I would work very hard.
I talked to her almost every day
of working hard; and, in short, I did nothing but work and cry all day, which
grieved the good, kind woman so much, that at last she began to be
concerned for me, for she loved me very well.
One day after this, as she came
into the room where all we poor children were at work, she sat down just over
against me, not in her usual place as mistress, but as if she set herself
on purpose to observe me and see me work. I was doing something she
had set me to; as I remember, it was marking some shirts which she had taken
to make, and after a while she began to talk to me. 'Thou foolish
child,' says she, 'thou art always crying (for I was crying then); 'prithee,
what dost cry for?' 'Because they will take me away,' says I, 'and put me to
service, and I can't work housework.' 'Well, child,' says she,
'but though you can't work housework, as you call it, you will learn it in
time, and they won't put you to hard things at first.' 'Yes, they
will,' says I, 'and if I can't do it they will beat me, and the maids will
beat me to make me do great work, and I am but a little girl and I can't do
it'; and then I cried again, till I could not speak any more to
her.
This moved my good motherly
nurse, so that she from that time resolved I should not go to service yet; so
she bid me not cry, and she would speak to Mr. Mayor, and I should not go
to service till I was bigger.
Well, this did not satisfy me,
for to think of going to service was such a frightful thing to me, that if
she had assured me I should not have gone till I was twenty years old, it
would have been the same to me; I should have cried, I believe, all
the time, with the very apprehension of its being to be so at
last.
When she saw that I was not
pacified yet, she began to be angry with me. 'And what would you have?'
says she; 'don't I tell you that you shall not go to service till your are
bigger?' 'Ay,' said I, 'but then I must go at last.' 'Why, what?' said
she; 'is the girl mad? What would you be -- a gentlewoman?' 'Yes,'
says I, and cried heartily till I roard out again.
This set the old gentlewoman
a-laughing at me, as you may be sure it would. 'Well, madam, forsooth,'
says she, gibing at me, 'you would be a gentlewoman; and pray how will you
come to be a gentlewoman? What! will you do it by your fingers'
end?'
'Yes,' says I again, very
innocently.
'Why, what can you earn?' says
she; 'what can you get at your work?'
'Threepence,' said I, 'when I
spin, and fourpence when I work plain work.'
'Alas! poor gentlewoman,' said
she again, laughing, 'what will that do for thee?'
'It will keep me,' says I, 'if
you will let me live with you.' And this I said in such a poor
petitioning tone, that it made the poor woman's heart yearn to me, as she
told me afterwards.
'But,' says she, 'that will not
keep you and buy you clothes too; and who must buy the little gentlewoman
clothes?' says she, and smiled all the while at me.
'I will work harder, then,' says
I, 'and you shall have it all.'
'Poor child! it won't keep you,'
says she; 'it will hardly keep you in victuals.'
'Then I will have no victuals,'
says I, again very innocently; 'let me but live with
you.'
'Why, can you live without
victuals?' says she.
'Yes,' again says I, very much
like a child, you may be sure, and still I cried
heartily.
I had no policy in all this; you
may easily see it was all nature; but it was joined with so much innocence
and so much passion that, in short, it set the good motherly creature
a-weeping too, and she cried at last as fast as I did, and then took me and
led me out of the teaching-room. 'Come,' says she, 'you shan't go to
service; you shall live with me'; and this pacified me for the
present.
Some time after this, she going
to wait on the Mayor, and talking of such things as belonged to her business,
at last my story came up, and my good nurse told Mr. Mayor the
whole tale. He was so pleased with it, that he would call his
lady and his two daughters to hear it, and it made mirth enough among
them, you may be sure.
However, not a week had passed
over, but on a sudden comes Mrs. Mayoress and her two daughters to the house
to see my old nurse, and to see her school and the children. When
they had looked about them a little, 'Well, Mrs.----,' says the Mayoress
to my nurse, 'and pray which is the little lass that intends to be a
gentlewoman?' I heard her, and I was terribly frighted at first, though
I did not know why neither; but Mrs. Mayoress comes up to me. 'Well,
miss,' says she, 'and what are you at work upon?' The word miss was a
language that had hardly been heard of in our school, and I wondered
what sad name it was she called me. However, I stood up, made
a curtsy, and she took my work out of my hand, looked on it, and said it
was very well; then she took up one of the hands. 'Nay,' says she, 'the child
may come to be a gentlewoman for aught anybody knows; she has a gentlewoman's
hand,' says she. This pleased me mightily, you may be sure; but Mrs.
Mayoress did not stop there, but giving me my work again, she put her hand
in her pocket, gave me a shilling, and bid me mind my work, and learn to work
well, and I might be a gentlewoman for aught she knew.
Now all this while my good old
nurse, Mrs. Mayoress, and all the rest of them did not understand me at all,
for they meant one sort of thing by the word gentlewoman, and I meant
quite another; for alas! all I understood by being a gentlewoman was to be
able to work for myself, and get enough to keep me without that terrible
bugbear going to service, whereas they meant to live great, rich and high,
and I know not what.
Well, after Mrs. Mayoress was
gone, her two daughters came in, and they called for the gentlewoman too, and
they talked a long while to me, and I answered them in my innocent
way; but always, if they asked me whether I resolved to be a gentlewoman,
I answered Yes. At last one of them asked me what a gentlewoman
was? That puzzled me much; but, however, I explained myself negatively,
that it was one that did not go to service, to do housework. They were
pleased to be familiar with me, and like my little prattle to them,
which, it seems, was agreeable enough to them, and they gave me money
too.
As for my money, I gave it all to
my mistress-nurse, as I called her, and told her she should have all I got
for myself when I was a gentlewoman, as well as now. By this and some
other of my talk, my old tutoress began to understand me about what I
meant by being a gentlewoman, and that I understood by it no more than to be
able to get my bread by my own work; and at last she asked me whether it was
not so.
I told her, yes, and insisted on
it, that to do so was to be a gentlewoman; 'for,' says I, 'there is such a
one,' naming a woman that mended lace and washed the ladies'
laced-heads; 'she,' says I, 'is a gentlewoman, and they call her
madam.'
"Poor child,' says my good old
nurse, 'you may soon be such a gentlewoman as that, for she is a person of
ill fame, and has had two or three bastards.'
I did not understand anything of
that; but I answered, 'I am sure they call her madam, and she does not go to
service nor do housework'; and therefore I insisted that she was
a gentlewoman, and I would be such a gentlewoman as
that.
The ladies were told all this
again, to be sure, and they made themselves merry with it, and every now and
then the young ladies, Mr. Mayor's daughters, would come and see me,
and ask where the little gentlewoman was, which made me not a little proud
of myself.
This held a great while, and I
was often visited by these young ladies, and sometimes they brought others
with them; so that I was known by it almost all over the
town.
I was now about ten years old,
and began to look a little womanish, for I was mighty grave and humble, very
mannerly, and as I had often heard the ladies say I was pretty, and
would be a very handsome woman, so you may be sure that hearing them say
so made me not a little proud. However, that pride had no ill effect
upon me yet; only, as they often gave me money, and I gave it to my old
nurse, she, honest woman, was so just to me as to lay it all out again for
me, and gave me head-dresses, and linen, and gloves, and ribbons, and
I went very neat, and always clean; for that I would do, and if I had rags
on, I would always be clean, or else I would dabble them in water myself;
but, I say, my good nurse, when I had money given me, very honestly laid it
out for me, and would always tell the ladies this or that was bought with
their money; and this made them oftentimes give me more, till at last I
was indeed called upon by the magistrates, as I understood it, to go out
to service; but then I was come to be so good a workwoman myself, and the
ladies were so kind to me, that it was plain I could maintain myself--that is
to say, I could earn as much for my nurse as she was able by it to keep
me--so she told them that if they would give her leave, she would keep the
gentlewoman, as she called me, to be her assistant and teach the children,
which I was very well able to do; for I was very nimble at my work, and had a
good hand with my needle, though I was yet very young.
But the kindness of the ladies of
the town did not end here, for when they came to understand that I was no
more maintained by the public allowance as before, they gave me money
oftener than formerly; and as I grew up they brought me work to do for
them, such as linen to make, and laces to mend, and heads to dress up, and
not only paid me for doing them, but even taught me how to do them; so that
now I was a gentlewoman indeed, as I understood that word, I not only found
myself clothes and paid my nurse for my keeping, but got money in my
pocket too beforehand.
The ladies also gave me clothes
frequently of their own or their children's; some stockings, some petticoats,
some gowns, some one thing, some another, and these my old woman managed
for me like a mere mother, and kept them for me, obliged me to mend them, and
turn them and twist them to the best advantage, for she was a rare
housewife.
At last one of the ladies took so
much fancy to me that she would have me home to her house, for a month, she
said, to be among her daughters.
Now, though this was exceeding
kind in her, yet, as my old good woman said to her, unless she resolved to
keep me for good and all, she would do the little gentlewoman more
harm than good. 'Well,' says the lady, 'that's true; and therefore
I'll only take her home for a week, then, that I may see how my daughters
and she agree together, and how I like her temper, and then I'll tell you
more; and in the meantime, if anybody comes to see her as they used to do,
you may only tell them you have sent her out to my
house.'
This was prudently managed
enough, and I went to the lady's house; but I was so pleased there with the
young ladies, and they so pleased with me, that I had enough to do to come
away, and they were as unwilling to part with me.
However, I did come away, and
lived almost a year more with my honest old woman, and began now to be very
helpful to her; for I was almost fourteen years old, was tall of my
age, and looked a little womanish; but I had such a taste of
genteel living at the lady's house that I was not so easy in my
old quarters as I used to be, and I thought it was fine to be
a gentlewoman indeed, for I had quite other notions of a gentlewoman now
than I had before; and as I thought, I say, that it was fine to be a
gentlewoman, so I loved to be among gentlewomen, and therefore I longed to be
there again.
About the time that I was
fourteen years and a quarter old, my good nurse, mother I rather to call her,
fell sick and died. I was then in a sad condition indeed, for as there is no
great bustle in putting an end to a poor body's family when once they are
carried to the grave, so the poor good woman being buried, the parish
children she kept were immediately removed by the church-wardens; the school
was at an end, and the children of it had no more to do but just stay at home
till they were sent somewhere else; and as for what she left, her
daughter, a married woman with six or seven children, came and swept it
all away at once, and removing the goods, they had no more to say to me than
to jest with me, and tell me that the little gentlewoman might set up for
herself if she pleased.
I was frighted out of my wits
almost, and knew not what to do, for I was, as it were, turned out of doors
to the wide world, and that which was still worse, the old honest woman had
two-and- twenty shillings of mine in her hand, which was all the estate
the little gentlewoman had in the world; and when I asked the daughter for
it, she huffed me and laughed at me, and told me she had nothing to do with
it.
It was true the good, poor woman
had told her daughter of it, and that it lay in such a place, that it was the
child's money, and had called once or twice for me to give it me, but I
was, unhappily, out of the way somewhere or other, and when I came back
she was past being in a condition to speak of it. However, the daughter was
so honest afterwards as to give it me, though at first she used me cruelly
about it.
Now was I a poor gentlewoman
indeed, and I was just that very night to be turned into the wide world; for
the daughter removed all the goods, and I had not so much as a lodging
to go to, or a bit of bread to eat. But it seems some of the
neighbours, who had known my circumstances, took so much compassion of me
as to acquaint the lady in whose family I had been a week, as I mentioned
above; and immediately she sent her maid to fetch me away, and two of her
daughters came with the maid though unsent. So I went with them, bag
and baggage, and with a glad heart, you may be sure. The fright of my
condition had made such an impression upon me, that I did not want now to
be a gentlewoman, but was very willing to be a servant, and that any kind of
servant they thought fit to have me be.
But my new generous mistress, for
she exceeded the good woman I was with before, in everything, as well as in
the matter of estate; I say, in everything except honesty; and for that,
though this was a lady most exactly just, yet I must not forget to say on all
occasions, that the first, though poor, was as uprightly honest as it was
possible for any one to be.
I was no sooner carried away, as
I have said, by this good gentlewoman, but the first lady, that is to say,
the Mayoress that was, sent her two daughters to take care of me; and
another family which had taken notice of me when I was the
little gentlewoman, and had given me work to do, sent for me after her, so
that I was mightily made of, as we say; nay, and they were not a little
angry, especially madam the Mayoress, that her friend had taken me away from
her, as she called it; for, as she said, I was hers by right, she having been
the first that took any notice of me. But they that had me would not
part with me; and as for me, though I should have been very well treated
with any of the others, yet I could not be better than where I
was.
Here I continued till I was
between seventeen and eighteen years old, and here I had all the advantages
for my education that could be imagined; the lady had masters home to
the house to teach her daughters to dance, and to speak French, and to
write, and other to teach them music; and I was always with them, I learned
as fast as they; and though the masters were not appointed to teach me, yet I
learned by imitation and inquiry all that they learned by instruction and
direction; so that, in short, I learned to dance and speak French as well
as any of them, and to sing much better, for I had a better voice than any
of them. I could not so readily come at playing on the harpsichord or
spinet, because I had no instrument of my own to practice on, and could only
come at theirs in the intervals when they left it, which was uncertain; but
yet I learned tolerably well too, and the young ladies at length got two
instruments, that is to say, a harpsichord and a spinet too, and then
they taught me themselves. But as to dancing, they could hardly help
my learning country-dances, because they always wanted me to make up even
number; and, on the other hand, they were as heartily willing to learn me
everything that they had been taught themselves, as I could be to take the
learning.
By this means I had, as I have
said above, all the advantages of education that I could have had if I had
been as much a gentlewoman as they were with whom I lived; and in
some things I had the advantage of my ladies, though they were
my superiors; but they were all the gifts of nature, and which all their
fortunes could not furnish. First, I was apparently handsomer than any
of them; secondly, I was better shaped; and, thirdly, I sang better, by which
I mean I had a better voice; in all which you will, I hope, allow me to say,
I do not speak my own conceit of myself, but the opinion of all that
knew the family.
I had with all these the common
vanity of my sex, viz. that being really taken for very handsome, or, if you
please, for a great beauty, I very well knew it, and had as good an
opinion of myself as anybody else could have of me; and particularly I
loved to hear anybody speak of it, which could not but happen to me
sometimes, and was a great satisfaction to me.
Thus far I have had a smooth
story to tell of myself, and in all this part of my life I not only had the
reputation of living in a very good family, and a family noted and respected
everywhere for virtue and sobriety, and for every valuable thing; but I
had the character too of a very sober, modest, and virtuous young woman,
and such I had always been; neither had I yet any occasion to think of
anything else, or to know what a temptation to wickedness
meant.
But that which I was too vain of
was my ruin, or rather my vanity was the cause of it. The lady in the
house where I was had two sons, young gentlemen of very promising parts
and of extraordinary behaviour, and it was my misfortune to be very well
with them both, but they managed themselves with me in a quite different
manner.
The eldest, a gay gentleman that
knew the town as well as the country, and though he had levity enough to do
an ill-natured thing, yet had too much judgment of things to pay too
dear for his pleasures; he began with the unhappy snare to all women, viz.
taking notice upon all occasions how pretty I was, as he called it, how
agreeable, how well-carriaged, and the like; and this he contrived so subtly,
as if he had known as well how to catch a woman in his net as a partridge
when he went a-setting; for he would contrive to be talking this to
his sisters when, though I was not by, yet when he knew I was not far off
but that I should be sure to hear him. His sisters would return softly
to him, 'Hush, brother, she will hear you; she is but in the next
room.' Then he would put it off and talk softlier, as if he had not
know it, and begin to acknowledge he was wrong; and then, as if he had forgot
himself, he would speak aloud again, and I, that was so well pleased to hear
it, was sure to listen for it upon all occasions.
After he had thus baited his
hook, and found easily enough the method how to lay it in my way, he played
an opener game; and one day, going by his sister's chamber when I was
there, doing something about dressing her, he comes in with an air of
gaiety. 'Oh, Mrs. Betty,' said he to me, 'how do you do, Mrs.
Betty? Don't your cheeks burn, Mrs. Betty?' I made a curtsy and
blushed, but said nothing. 'What makes you talk so, brother?' says the
lady. 'Why,' says he, 'we have been talking of her below-stairs this
half-hour.' 'Well,' says his sister, 'you can say no harm of her, that
I am sure, so 'tis no matter what you have been talking about.' 'Nay,' says
he, ''tis so far from talking harm of her, that we have been talking a
great deal of good, and a great many fine things have been said of Mrs.
Betty, I assure you; and particularly, that she is the handsomest young woman
in Colchester; and, in short, they begin to toast her health in the
town.'
'I wonder at you, brother,' says
the sister. Betty wants but one thing, but she had as good want
everything, for the market is against our sex just now; and if a young woman
have beauty, birth, breeding, wit, sense, manners, modesty, and all these
to an extreme, yet if she have not money, she's nobody, she had as good
want them all for nothing but money now recommends a woman; the men play the
game all into their own hands.'
Her younger brother, who was by,
cried, 'Hold, sister, you run too fast; I am an exception to your rule.
I assure you, if I find a woman so accomplished as you talk of, I say, I
assure you, I would not trouble myself about the
money.'
'Oh,' says the sister, 'but you
will take care not to fancy one, then, without the
money.'
'You don't know that neither,'
says the brother.
'But why, sister,' says the elder
brother, 'why do you exclaim so at the men for aiming so much at the
fortune? You are none of them that want a fortune, whatever else you
want.'
'I understand you, brother,'
replies the lady very smartly; 'you suppose I have the money, and want the
beauty; but as times go now, the first will do without the last, so I have
the better of my neighbours.'
'Well,' says the younger brother,
'but your neighbours, as you call them, may be even with you, for beauty will
steal a husband sometimes in spite of money, and when the maid chances to
be handsomer than the mistress, she oftentimes makes as good a market, and
rides in a coach before her.'
I thought it was time for me to
withdraw and leave them, and I did so, but not so far but that I heard all
their discourse, in which I heard abundance of the fine things said of
myself, which served to prompt my vanity, but, as I soon found, was not
the way to increase my interest in the family, for the sister and the younger
brother fell grievously out about it; and as he said some very disobliging
things to her upon my account, so I could easily see that she resented them
by her future conduct to me, which indeed was very unjust to me, for I had
never had the least thought of what she suspected as to her
younger brother; indeed, the elder brother, in his distant, remote
way, had said a great many things as in jest, which I had the folly to
believe were in earnest, or to flatter myself with the hopes of what I ought
to have supposed he never intended, and perhaps never thought
of.
It happened one day that he came
running upstairs, towards the room where his sisters used to sit and work, as
he often used to do; and calling to them before he came in, as was his way
too, I, being there alone, stepped to the door, and said, 'Sir, the ladies
are not here, they are walked down the garden.' As I stepped forward to say
this, towards the door, he was just got to the door, and clasping me in his
arms, as if it had been by chance, 'Oh, Mrs. Betty,' says he, 'are you
here? That's better still; I want to speak with you more than I do with
them'; and then, having me in his arms, he kissed me three or four
times.
I struggled to get away, and yet
did it but faintly neither, and he held me fast, and still kissed me, till he
was almost out of breath, and then, sitting down, says, 'Dear Betty, I am in
love with you.'
His words, I must confess, fired
my blood; all my spirits flew about my heart and put me into disorder enough,
which he might easily have seen in my face. He repeated it
afterwards several times, that he was in love with me, and my heart
spoke as plain as a voice, that I liked it; nay, whenever he said, 'I
am in love with you,' my blushes plainly replied, 'Would you were,
sir.'
However, nothing else passed at
that time; it was but a sur- prise, and when he was gone I soon recovered
myself again. He had stayed longer with me, but he happened to look out at
the window and see his sisters coming up the garden, so he took his leave,
kissed me again, told me he was very serious, and I should hear more of him
very quickly, and away he went, leaving me infinitely pleased, though
surprised; and had there not been one misfortune in it, I had been in the
right, but the mistake lay here, that Mrs. Betty was in earnest and
the gentleman was not.
From this time my head ran upon
strange things, and I may truly say I was not myself; to have such a
gentleman talk to me of being in love with me, and of my being such a
charming creature, as he told me I was; these were things I knew not how
to bear, my vanity was elevated to the last degree. It is true I had my
head full of pride, but, knowing nothing of the wickedness of the times, I
had not one thought of my own safety or of my virtue about me; and had my
young master offered it at first sight, he might have taken any liberty
he thought fit with me; but he did not see his advantage, which was my
happiness for that time.
After this attack it was not long
but he found an opportunity to catch me again, and almost in the same
posture; indeed, it had more of design in it on his part, though not on my
part. It was thus: the young ladies were all gone a-visiting with
their mother; his brother was out of town; and as for his father, he had
been in London for a week before. He had so well watched me that he
knew where I was, though I did not so much as know that he was in the house;
and he briskly comes up the stairs and, seeing me at work, comes into the
room to me directly, and began just as he did before, with taking me in his
arms, and kissing me for almost a quarter of an hour
together.
It was his younger sister's
chamber that I was in, and as there was nobody in the house but the maids
below-stairs, he was, it may be, the ruder; in short, he began to be in
earnest with me indeed. Perhaps he found me a little too easy, for God
knows I made no resistance to him while he only held me in his arms and
kissed me; indeed, I was too well pleased with it to resist him
much.
However, as it were, tired with
that kind of work, we sat down, and there he talked with me a great while; he
said he was charmed with me, and that he could not rest night or day
till he had told me how he was in love with me, and, if I was able to love
him again, and would make him happy, I should be the saving of his life, and
many such fine things. I said little to him again, but easily
discovered that I was a fool, and that I did not in the least perceive what
he meant.
Then he walked about the room,
and taking me by the hand, I walked with him; and by and by, taking his
advantage, he threw me down upon the bed, and kissed me there
most violently; but, to give him his due, offered no manner of rudeness to
me, only kissed a great while. After this he thought he had heard
somebody come upstairs, so got off from the bed, lifted me up, professing a
great deal of love for me, but told me it was all an honest affection, and
that he meant no ill to me; and with that he put five guineas into my
hand, and went away downstairs.
I was more confounded with the
money than I was before with the love, and began to be so elevated that I
scarce knew the ground I stood on. I am the more particular in this
part, that if my story comes to be read by any innocent young body,
they may learn from it to guard themselves against the mischiefs which
attend an early knowledge of their own beauty. If a young woman once
thinks herself handsome, she never doubts the truth of any man that tells her
he is in love with her; for if she believes herself charming enough to
captivate him, 'tis natural to expect the effects of
it.
This young gentleman had fired
his inclination as much as he had my vanity, and, as if he had found that he
had an opportunity and was sorry he did not take hold of it, he comes up
again in half an hour or thereabouts, and falls to work with me again
as before, only with a little less introduction.
And first, when he entered the
room, he turned about and shut the door. 'Mrs. Betty,' said he, 'I
fancied before somebody was coming upstairs, but it was not so; however,'
adds he, 'if they find me in the room with you, they shan't catch
me a-kissing of you.' I told him I did not know who should be coming
upstairs, for I believed there was nobody in the house but the cook and the
other maid, and they never came up those stairs. 'Well, my dear,' says
he, ''tis good to be sure, however'; and so he sits down, and we began to
talk. And now, though I was still all on fire with his first visit, and
said little, he did as it were put words in my mouth, telling me how
passionately he loved me, and that though he could not mention such a
thing till he came to this estate, yet he was resolved to make me
happy then, and himself too; that is to say, to marry me, and abundance of
such fine things, which I, poor fool, did not understand the drift of, but
acted as if there was no such thing as any kind of love but that which tended
tomatrimony; and if he had spoke of that, I had no room, as well as no power,
to have said no; but we were not come that length yet.
We had not sat long, but he got
up, and, stopping my very breath with kisses, threw me upon the bed again;
but then being both well warmed, he went farther with me than
decency permits me to mention, nor had it been in my power to have denied
him at that moment, had he offered much more than he
did.
However, though he took these
freedoms with me, it did not go to that which they call the last favour,
which, to do him justice, he did not attempt; and he made that self-denial of
his a plea for all his freedoms with me upon other occasions
after this. When this was over, he stayed but a little while, but
he put almost a handful of gold in my hand, and left me, making a thousand
protestations of his passion for me, and of his loving me above all the women
in the world.
It will not be strange if I now
began to think, but alas! it was but with very little solid reflection.
I had a most unbounded stock of vanity and pride, and but a very little stock
of virtue. I did indeed case sometimes with myself what young master aimed
at, but thought of nothing but the fine words and the gold; whether he
intended to marry me, or not to marry me, seemed a matter of no great
consequence to me; nor did my thoughts so much as suggest to me the necessity
of making any capitulation for myself, till he came to make a kind
of formal proposal to me, as you shall hear presently.
Thus I gave up myself to a
readiness of being ruined without the least concern and am a fair memento to
all young women whose vanity prevails over their virtue. Nothing was
ever so stupid on both sides. Had I acted as became me, and
resisted as virtue and honour require, this gentleman had either
desisted his attacks, finding no room to expect the accomplishment of his
design, or had made fair and honourable proposals of marriage; in which case,
whoever had blamed him, nobody could have blamed me. In short, if he
had known me, and how easy the trifle he aimed at was to be had, he would
have troubled his head no farther, but have given me four or five guineas,
and have lain with me the next time he had come at me. And if I had known his
thoughts, and how hard he thought I would be to be gained, I might have made
my own terms with him; and if I had not capitulated for an immediate
marriage, I might for a maintenance till marriage, and might have had what
I would; for he was already rich to excess, besides what he had in
expectation; but I seemed wholly to have abandoned all such thoughts as
these, and was taken up only with the pride of my beauty, and of being
beloved by such a gentleman. As for the gold, I spent whole hours in
looking upon it; I told the guineas over and over a thousand times a
day. Never poor vain creature was so wrapt up with every part of the
story as I was, not considering what was before me, and how near my ruin
was at the door; indeed, I think I rather wished for that ruin than studied
to avoid it.
In the meantime, however, I was
cunning enough not to give the least room to any in the family to suspect me,
or to imagine that I had the least correspondence with this young
gentleman. I scarce ever looked towards him in public, or answered if
he spoke to me when anybody was near us; but for all that, we had every
now and then a little encounter, where we had room for a word or two, an now
and then a kiss, but no fair opportunity for the mischief intended; and
especially considering that he made more circumlocution than, if he had known
by thoughts, he had occasion for; and the work appearing difficult to
him, he really made it so.
But as the devil is an unwearied
tempter, so he never fails to find opportunity for that wickedness he invites
to. It was one evenine that I was in the garden, with his two
younger sisters and himself, and all very innocently merry, when he
found means to convey a note into my hand, by which he directed me to
understand that he would to-morrow desire me publicly to go of an errand for
him into the town, and that I should see him somewhere by the
way.
Accordingly, after dinner, he
very gravely says to me, his sisters being all by, 'Mrs. Betty, I must ask a
favour of you.' 'What's that?' says his second sister. 'Nay, sister,'
says he very gravely, 'if you can't spare Mrs. Betty to-day, any
other time will do.' Yes, they said, they could spare her well
enough, and the sister begged pardon for asking, which they did but
of mere course, without any meaning. 'Well, but, brother,' says the
eldest sister, 'you must tell Mrs. Betty what it is; if it be any private
business that we must not hear, you may call her out. There she
is.' 'Why, sister,' says the gentleman very gravely, 'what do you
mean? I only desire her to do into the High Street' (and then he pulls
out a turnover), 'to such a shop'; and then he tells them a long story of two
fine neckcloths he had bid money for, and he wanted to have me go and make
an errand to buy a neck to the turnover that he showed, to see if they
would take my money for the neckcloths; to bid a shilling more, and haggle
with them; and then he made more errands, and so continued to have such petty
business to do, that I should be sure to stay a good
while.
When he had given me my errands,
he told them a long story of a visit he was going to make to a family they
all knew, and where was to be such-and-such gentlemen, and how merry they
were to be, and very formally asks his sisters to go with him, and they as
formally excused themselves, because of company that they had notice was to
come and visit them that afternoon; which, by the way, he had contrived on
purpose.
He had scarce done speaking to
them, and giving me my errand, but his man came up to tell him that Sir W----
H----'s coach stopped at the door; so he runs down, and comes up again
immediately. 'Alas!' says he aloud, 'there's all my mirth spoiled at
once; sir W---- has sent his coach for me, and desires to speak with me upon
some earnest business.' It seems this Sir W--- was a gentleman who lived
about three miles out of town, to whom he had spoken on purpose the
day before, to lend him his chariot for a particular occasion, and had
appointed it to call for him, as it did, about three
o'clock.
Immediately he calls for his best
wig, hat, and sword, and ordering his man to go to the other place to make
his excuse-- that was to say, he made an excuse to send his man
away--he prepares to go into the coach. As he was going, he stopped
a while, and speaks mighty earnestly to me about his business, and finds
an opportunity to say very softly to me, 'Come away, my dear, as soon as ever
you can.' I said nothing, but made a curtsy, as if I had done so to
what he said in public. In about a quarter of an hour I went out too; I
had no dress other than before, except that I had a hood, a mask, a fan, and
a pair of gloves in my pocket; so that there was not the least
suspicion in the house. He waited for me in the coach in a
back-lane, which he knew I must pass by, and had directed the
coachman whither to go, which was to a certain place, called Mile
End, where lived a confidant of his, where we went in, and where was all
the convenience in the world to be as wicked as
we pleased.
When we were together he began to
talk very gravely to me, and to tell me he did not bring me there to betray
me; that his passion for me would not suffer him to abuse me; that
he resolved to marry me as soon as he came to his estate; that in the
meantime, if I would grant his request, he would maintain me very honourably;
and made me a thousand protestations of his sincerity and of his affection to
me; and that he would never abandon me, and as I may say, made a thousand
more preambles than he need to have done.
However, as he pressed me to
speak, I told him I had no reason to question the sincerity of his love to me
after so many protestations, but--and there I stopped, as if I left him
to guess the rest. 'But what, my dear?' says he. 'I guess
what you mean: what if you should be with child? Is not that
it? Why, then,' says he, 'I'll take care of you and provide for you, and
the child too; and that you may see I am not in jest,' says he, 'here's an
earnest for you,' and with that he pulls out a silk purse, with an hundred
guineas in it, and gave it me. 'And I'll give you such another,' says
he, 'every year till I marry you.'
My colour came and went, at the
sight of the purse and with the fire of his proposal together, so that I
could not say a word, and he easily perceived it; so putting the purse into
my bosom, I made no more resistance to him, but let him do just what
he pleased, and as often as he pleased; and thus I finished my own
destruction at once, for from this day, being forsaken of my virtue and my
modesty, I had nothing of value left to recommend me, either to God's
blessing or man's assistance.
But things did not end
here. I went back to the town, did the business he publicly directed me
to, and was at home before anybody thought me long. As for my
gentleman, he stayed out, as he told me he would, till late at night, and
there was not the least suspicion in the family either on his account
or on mine.
We had, after this, frequent
opportunities to repeat our crime --chiefly by his contrivance--especially at
home, when his mother and the young ladies went abroad a-visiting, which
he watched so narrowly as never to miss; knowing always beforehand when
they went out, and then failed not to catch me all alone, and securely
enough; so that we took our fill of our wicked pleasure for near half a year;
and yet, which was the most to my satisfaction, I was not with
child.
But before this half-year was
expired, his younger brother, of whom I have made some mention in the
beginning of the story, falls to work with me; and he, finding me along in
the garden one evening, begins a story of the same kind to me, made good
honest professions of being in love with me, and in short, proposes fairly
and honourably to marry me, and that before he made any other offer to me at
all.
I was now confounded, and driven
to such an extremity as the like was never known; at least not to me. I
resisted the proposal with obstinacy; and now I began to arm myself
with arguments. I laid before him the inequality of the match;
the treatment I should meet with in the family; the ingratitude it would
be to his good father and mother, who had taken me into their house upon such
generous principles, and when I was in such a low condition; and, in short, I
said everything to dissuade him from his design that I could imagine,
except telling him the truth, which would indeed have put an end to It
all, but that I durst not think of mentioning.
But here happened a circumstance
that I did not expect indeed, which put me to my shifts; for this young
gentleman, as he was plain and honest, so he pretended to nothing with me
but what was so too; and, knowing his own innocence, he was not so careful to
make his having a kindness for Mrs. Betty a secret I the house, as his
brother was. And though he did not let them know that he had talked to
me about it, yet he said enough to let his sisters perceive he loved me, and
his mother saw it too, which, though they took no notice of it to me, yet
they did to him, an immediately I found their carriage to me altered, more
than ever before.
I saw the cloud, though I did not
foresee the storm. It was easy, I say, to see that their carriage to me
was altered, and that it grew worse and worse every day; till at last I
got information among the servants that I should, in a very little while,
be desired to remove.
I was not alarmed at the news,
having a full satisfaction that I should be otherwise provided for; and
especially considering that I had reason every day to expect I should be with
child, and that then I should be obliged to remove without any pretences
for it.
After some time the younger
gentleman took an opportunity to tell me that the kindness he had for me had
got vent in the family. He did not charge me with it, he said, for he
know well enough which way it came out. He told me his plain
way of talking had been the occasion of it, for that he did not
make his respect for me so much a secret as he might have done, and the
reason was, that he was at a point, that if I would consent to have him, he
would tell them all openly that he loved me, and that he intended to marry
me; that it was true his father and mother might resent it, and be unkind,
but that he was now in a way to live, being bred to the law, and he
did not fear maintaining me agreeable to what I should expect; and that,
in short, as he believed I would not be ashamed of him, so he was resolved
not to be ashamed of me, and that he scorned to be afraid to own me now, whom
he resolved to own after I was his wife, and therefore I had nothing to do
but to give him my hand, and he would answer for all the
rest.
I was now in a dreadful condition
indeed, and now I repented heartily my easiness with the eldest brother; not
from any reflection of conscience, but from a view of the happiness
I might have enjoyed, and had now made impossible; for though I had no
great scruples of conscience, as I have said, to struggle with, yet I could
not think of being a whore to one brother and a wife to the other. But
then it came into my thoughts that the first brother had promised to made me
his wife when he came to his estate; but I presently remembered what I had
often thought of, that he had never spoken a word of having me for a wife
after he had conquered me for a mistress; and indeed, till now, though I said
I thought of it often, yet it gave me no disturbance at all, for as he did
not seem in the least to lessen his affection to me, so neither did he lessen
his bounty, though he had the discretion himself to desire me not to lay out
a penny of what he gave me in clothes, or to make the least
show extraordinary, because it would necessarily give jealousy in the
family, since everybody know I could come at such things no manner of
ordinary way, but by some private friendship, which they would presently have
suspected.
But I was now in a great strait,
and knew not what to do. The main difficulty was this: the
younger brother not only laid close siege to me, but suffered it to be
seen. He would come into his sister's room, and his mother's
room, and sit down, and talk a thousand kind things of me, and to me, even
before their faces, and when they were all there. This grew so public that
the whole house talked of it, and his mother reproved him for it, and their
carriage to me appeared quite altered. In short, his mother had let
fall some speeches, as if she intended to put me out of the family; that is,
in English, to turn me out of doors. Now I was sure this could not
be a secret to his brother, only that he might not think, as indeed nobody
else yet did, that the youngest brother had made any proposal to me about it;
but as I easily could see that it would go farther, so I saw likewise there
was an absolute necessity to speak of it to him, or that he would speak of it
to me, and which to do first I knew not; that is, whether I should break
it to him or let it alone till he should break it to me.
Upon serious consideration, for
indeed now I began to consider things very seriously, and never till now; I
say, upon serious consideration, I resolved to tell him of it first; and it
was not long before I had an opportunity, for the very next day
his brother went to London upon some business, and the family being out
a-visiting, just as it had happened before, and as indeed was often the case,
he came according to his custom, to spend an hour or two with Mrs.
Betty.
When he came had had sat down a
while, he easily perceived there was an alteration in my countenance, that I
was not so free and pleasant with him as I used to be, and
particularly, that I had been a-crying; he was not long before he took
notice of it, and asked me in very kind terms what was the matter, and
if anything troubled me. I would have put it off if I could, but
it was not to be concealed; so after suffering many importunities to draw
that out of me which I longed as much as possible to disclose, I told him
that it was true something did trouble me, and something of such a nature
that I could not conceal from him, and yet that I could not tell how to
tell him of it neither; that it was a thing that not only surprised
me, but greatly perplexed me, and that I knew not what course to take,
unless he would direct me. He told me with great tenderness, that let
it be what it would, I should not let it trouble me, for he would protect me
from all the world.
I then began at a distance, and
told him I was afraid the ladies had got some secret information of our
correspondence; for that it was easy to see that their conduct was very
much changed towards me for a great while, and that now it was come to
that pass that they frequently found fault with me, and sometimes fell quite
out with me, though I never gave them the least occasion; that whereas I used
always to lie with the eldest sister, I was lately put to lie by myself, or
with one of the maids; and that I had overheard them several times talking
very unkindly about me; but that which confirmed it all was, that one of the
servants had told me that she had heard I was to be turned out, and
that it was not safe for the family that I should be any longer in the
house.
He smiled when he heard all this,
and I asked him how he could make so light of it, when he must needs know
that if there was any discovery I was undone for ever, and that even it
would hurt him, though not ruin him as it would me. I upbraided him,
that he was like all the rest of the sex, that, when they had the character
and honour of a woman at their mercy, oftentimes made it their jest, and at
least looked upon it as a trifle, and counted the ruin of those they had had
their will of as a thing of no value.
He saw me warm and serious, and
he changed his style immediately; he told me he was sorry I should have such
a thought of him; that he had never given me the least occasion for it,
but had been as tender of my reputation as he could be of his own; that he
was sure our correspondence had been managed with so much address, that not
one creature in the family had so much as a suspicion of it; that if he
smiled when I told him my thoughts, it was at the assurance he
lately received, that our understanding one another was not so much as
known or guessed at; and that when he had told me how much reason he had to
be easy, I should smile as he did, for he was very certain it would give me a
full satisfaction.
'This is a mystery I cannot
understand,' says I, 'or how it should be to my satisfaction that I am to be
turned out of doors; for if our correspondence is not discovered, I
know not what else I have done to change the countenances of the whole
family to me, or to have them treat me as they do now, who formerly used me
with so much tenderness, as if I had been one of their own
children.'
'Why, look you, child,' says he,
'that they are uneasy about you, that is true; but that they have the least
suspicion of the case as it is, and as it respects you and I, is so far from
being true, that they suspect my brother Robin; and, in short, they are
fully persuaded he makes love to you; nay, the fool has put it into their
heads too himself, for he is continually bantering them about it, and making
a jest of himself. I confess I think he is wrong to do so, because he
cannot but see it vexes them, and makes them unkind to you; but 'tis a
satisfaction to me, because of the assurance it gives me, that they do not
suspect me in the least, and I hope this will be to your satisfaction
too.'
'So it is,' says I, 'one way; but
this does not reach my case at all, nor is this the chief thing that troubles
me, though I have been concerned about that too.' 'What is it, then?'
says he. With which I fell to tears, and could say nothing to him at
all. He strove to pacify me all he could, but began at last to be very
pressing upon me to tell what it was. At last I answered that I thought
I ought to tell him too, and that he had some right to know it; besides, that
I wanted his direction in the case, for I was in such perplexity that I knew
not what course to take, and then I related the whole affair to him. I
told him how imprudently his brother had managed himself, in
making himself so public; for that if he had kept it a secret, as such
a thing out to have been, I could but have denied him positively, without
giving any reason for it, and he would in time have ceased his solicitations;
but that he had the vanity, first, to depend upon it that I would not deny
him, and then had taken the freedom to tell his resolution of having me to
the whole house.
I told him how far I had resisted
him, and told him how sincere and honourable his offers were. 'But,'
says I, 'my case will be doubly hard; for as they carry it ill to me now,
because he desires to have me, they'll carry it worse when they shall
find I have denied him; and they will presently say, there's
something else in it, and then out it comes that I am married already
to somebody else, or that I would never refuse a match so much above me as
this was.'
This discourse surprised him
indeed very much. He told me that it was a critical point indeed for me
to manage, and he did not see which way I should get out of it; but he
would consider it, and let me know next time we met, what resolution he
was come to about it; and in the meantime desired I would not give my consent
to his brother, nor yet give him a flat denial, but that I would hold him in
suspense a while.
I seemed to start at his saying I
should not give him my consent. I told him he knew very well I had no
consent to give; that he had engaged himself to marry me, and that
my consent was the same time engaged to him; that he had all along told me
I was his wife, and I looked upon myself as effectually so as if the ceremony
had passed; and that it was from his own mouth that I did so, he having all
along persuaded me to call myself his wife.
'Well, my dear,' says he, 'don't
be concerned at that now; if I am not your husband, I'll be as good as a
husband to you; and do not let those things trouble you now, but let me
look a little farther into this affair, and I shall be able to say
more next time we meet.'
He pacified me as well as he
could with this, but I found he was very thoughtful, and that though he was
very kind to me and kissed me a thousand times, and more I believe, and
gave me money too, yet he offered no more all the while we were together,
which was above two hours, and which I much wondered at indeed at that time,
considering how it used to be, and what opportunity we
had.
His brother did not come from
London for five or six days, and it was two days more before he got an
opportunity to talk with him; but then getting him by himself he began to
talk very close to him about it, and the same evening got an opportunity
(for we had a long conference together) to repeat all their discourse to me,
which, as near as I can remember, was to the purpose following. He told
him he heard strange news of him since he went, viz. that he made love to
Mrs. Betty. 'Well, says his brother a little angrily, 'and so I
do. And what then? What has anybody to do with that?'
'Nay,' says his brother, 'don't be angry, Robin; I don't pretend to have
anything to do with it; nor do I pretend to be angry with you about it.
But I find they do concern themselves about it, and that they have used the
poor girl ill about it, which I should take as done to myself.' 'Whom
do you mean by THEY?' says Robin. 'I mean my mother and the girls,'
says the elder brother. 'But hark ye,' says his brother, 'are you in
earnest? Do you really love this girl? You may be free with me,
you know.' 'Why, then,' says Robin, 'I will be free with you; I
do love her above all the women in the world, and I will have her, let
them say and do what they will. I believe the girl will not deny
me.'
It struck me to the heart when he
told me this, for though it was most rational to think I would not deny him,
yet I knew in my own conscience I must deny him, and I saw my ruin in my
being obliged to do so; but I knew it was my business to talk otherwise then,
so I interrupted him in his story thus.
'Ay!,' said I, 'does he think I
cannot deny him? But he shall find I can deny him, for all
that.'
'Well, my dear,' says he, 'but
let me give you the whole story as it went on between us, and then say what
you will.'
Then he went on and told me that
he replied thus: 'But, brother, you know she has nothing, and you may
have several ladies with good fortunes.'
''Tis no matter for that,' said
Robin; 'I love the girl, and I will never please my pocket in marrying, and
not please my fancy.' 'And so, my dear,' adds he, 'there is no opposing
him.'
'Yes, yes,' says I, 'you shall
see I can oppose him; I have learnt to say No, now though I had not learnt it
before; if the best lord in the land offered me marriage now, I could
very cheerfully say No to him.'
'Well, but, my dear,' says he,
'what can you say to him? You know, as you said when we talked of it
before, he well ask you many questions about it, and all the house will
wonder what the meaning of it should be.'
'Why,' says I, smiling, 'I can
stop all their mouths at one clap by telling him, and them too, that I am
married already to his elder brother.'
He smiled a little too at the
word, but I could see it startled him, and he could not hide the disorder it
put him into. However, he returned, 'Why, though that may be true in
some sense, yet I suppose you are but in jest when you talk of giving such
an answer as that; it may not be convenient on many
accounts.'
'No, no,' says I pleasantly, 'I
am not so fond of letting the secret come out without your
consent.'
'But what, then, can you say to
him, or to them,' says he, 'when they find you positive against a match which
would be apparently so much to your advantage?'
'Why,' says I, 'should I be at a
loss? First of all, I am not obliged to give me any reason at all; on
the other hand, I may tell them I am married already, and stop there, and
that will be a full stop too to him, for he can have no reason to ask
one question after it.'
'Ay,' says he; 'but the whole
house will tease you about that, even to father and mother, and if you deny
them positively, they will be disobliged at you, and suspicious
besides.'
'Why,' says I, 'what can I
do? What would have me do? I was in straight enough before, and
as I told you, I was in perplexity before, and acquainted you with the
circumstances, that I might have your advice.'
'My dear,' says he, 'I have been
considering very much upon it, you may be sure, and though it is a piece of
advice that has a great many mortifications in it to me, and may at first
seem strange to you, yet, all things considered, I see no better way for
you than to let him go on; and if you find him hearty and in earnest, marry
him.'
I gave him a look full of horror
at those words, and, turning pale as death, was at the very point of sinking
down out of the chair I sat in; when, giving a start, 'My dear,' says he
aloud, 'what's the matter with you? Where are you a-going?' and
a great many such things; and with jogging and called to me, fetched me a
little to myself, though it was a good while before I fully recovered my
senses, and was not able to speak for several minutes
more.
When I was fully recovered he
began again. 'My dear,' says he, 'what made you so surprised at what I
said? I would have you consider seriously of it? You may see
plainly how the family stand in this case, and they would be stark mad if
it was my case, as it is my brother's; and for aught I see, it would be my
ruin and yours too.'
'Ay!' says I, still speaking
angrily; 'are all your protestations and vows to be shaken by the dislike of
the family? Did I not always object that to you, and you made light
thing of it, as what you were above, and would value; and is it come
to this now?' said I. 'Is this your faith and honour, your love, and
the solidity of your promises?'
He continued perfectly calm,
notwithstanding all my reproaches, and I was not sparing of them at all; but
he replied at last, 'My dear, I have not broken one promise with you yet; I
did tell you I would marry you when I was come to my estate; but you see
my father is a hale, healthy man, and may live these thirty years still, and
not be older than several are round us in town; and you never proposed my
marrying you sooner, because you knew it might be my ruin; and as to all the
rest, I have not failed you in anything, you have wanted for
nothing.'
I could not deny a word of this,
and had nothing to say to it in general. 'But why, then,' says I, 'can
you persuade me to such a horrid step as leaving you, since you have not left
me? Will you allow no affection, no love on my side, where there has been
so much on your side? Have I made you no returns? Have I given no
testimony of my sincerity and of my passion? Are the sacrifices I have made
of honour and modesty to you no proof of my being tied to you in bonds too
strong to be broken?'
'But here, my dear,' says he,
'you may come into a safe station, and appear with honour and with splendour
at once, and the remembrance of what we have done may be wrapt up in
an eternal silence, as if it had never happened; you shall always have my
respect, and my sincere affection, only then it shall be honest, and
perfectly just to my brother; you shall be my dear sister, asnow you are my
dear----' and there he stopped.
'Your dear whore,' says I, 'you
would have said if you had gone on, and you might as well have said it; but I
understand you. However, I desire you to remember the long
discourses you have had with me, and the many hours' pains you have taken
to persuade me to believe myself an honest woman; that I was your wife
intentionally, though not in the eyes of the world, and that it was as
effectual a marriage that had passed between us as is we had been publicly
wedded by the parson of the parish. You know and cannot but
remember that these have been your own words to me.'
I found this was a little too
close upon him, but I made it up in what follows. He stood stock-still
for a while and said nothing, and I went on thus: 'You cannot,' says I,
'without the highest injustice, believe that I yielded upon all
these persuasions without a love not to be questioned, not to be shaken
again by anything that could happen afterward. If you have such
dishonourable thoughts of me, I must ask you what foundation in any of my
behaviour have I given for such a suggestion?
'If, then, I have yielded to the
importunities of my affection, and if I have been persuaded to believe that I
am really, and in the essence of the thing, your wife, shall I now give the
lie to all those arguments and call myself your whore, or mistress, which
is the same thing? And will you transfer me to your brother? Can
you transfer my affection? Can you bid me cease loving you, and bid me
love him? It is in my power, think you, to make such a change at
demand? No, sir,' said I, 'depend upon it 'tis impossible, and whatever
the change of your side may be, I will ever be true; and I had much
rather, since it is come that unhappy length, be your whore than
your brother's wife.'
He appeared pleased and touched
with the impression of this last discourse, and told me that he stood where
he did before; that he had not been unfaithful to me in any one promise
he had ever made yet, but that there were so many terrible
things presented themselves to his view in the affair before me, and that
on my account in particular, that he had thought of the other as a remedy so
effectual as nothing could come up to it. That he thought this would not be
entire parting us, but we might love as friends all our days, and perhaps
with more satisfaction than we should in the station we were now in, as
things might happen; that he durst say, I could not apprehend anything from
him as to betraying a secret, which could not but be the destruction of us
both, if it came out; that he had but one question to ask of me that could
lie in the way of it, and if that question was answered in the negative, he
could not but think still it was the only step I could
take.
I guessed at his question
presently, namely, whether I was sure I was not with child? As to that,
I told him he need not be concerned about it, for I was not with child.
'Why, then, my dear,' says he, 'we have no time to talk further
now. Consider of it, and think closely about it; I cannot but be of the
opinion still, that it will be the best course you can take.' And with this
he took his leave, and the more hastily too, his mother and sisters ringing
at the gate, just at the moment that he had risen up to
go.
He left me in the utmost
confusion of thought; and he easily perceived it the next day, and all the
rest of the week, for it was but Tuesday evening when we talked; but he had
no opportunity to come at me all that week, till the Sunday after, when I,
being indisposed, did not go to church, and he, making some excuse for the
like, stayed at home.
And now he had me an hour and a
half again by myself, and we fell into the same arguments all over again, or
at least so near the same, as it would be to no purpose to repeat them. At
last I asked him warmly, what opinion he must have of my modesty, that he
could suppose I should so much as entertain a thought of lying with two
brothers, and assured him it could never be. I added, if he was to tell
me that he would never see me more, than which nothing but death could be
more terrible, yet I could never entertain a thought so dishonourable to
myself, and so base to him; and therefore, I entreated him, if he had one
grain of respect or affection left for me, that he would speak no more of it
to me, or that he would pull his sword out and kill me. He appeared
surprised at my obstinacy, as he called it; told me I was unkind to myself,
and unkind to him in it; that it was a crisis unlooked for upon us both,
and impossible for either of us to foresee, but that he did not see any
other way to save us both from ruin, and therefore he thought it the more
unkind; but that if he must say no more of it to me, he added with an unusual
coldness, that he did not know anything else we had to talk of; and so he
rose up to take his leave. I rose up too, as if with the same
indifference; but when he came to give me as it were a parting kiss, I
burst out into such a passion of crying, that though I would have spoke, I
could not, and only pressing his hand, seemed to give him the adieu, but
cried vehemently.
He was sensibly moved with this;
so he sat down again, and said a great many kind things to me, to abate the
excess of my passion, but still urged the necessity of what he had
proposed; all the while insisting, that if I did refuse, he would
notwith- standing provide for me; but letting me plainly see that he would
decline me in the main point--nay, even as a mistress; making it a point of
honour not to lie with the woman that, for aught he knew, might come to be
his brother's wife.
The bare loss of him as a gallant
was not so much my affliction as the loss of his person, whom indeed I loved
to distraction; and the loss of all the expectations I had, and which I
always had built my hopes upon, of having him one day for
my husband. These things oppressed my mind so much, that, in short,
I fell very ill; the agonies of my mind, in a word, threw me into a high
fever, and long it was, that none in the family expected my
life.
I was reduced very low indeed,
and was often delirious and light-headed; but nothing lay so near me as the
fear that, when I was light-headed, I should say something or other to
his prejudice. I was distressed in my mind also to see him, and so
he was to see me, for he really loved me most passionately; but it could not
be; there was not the least room to desire it on one side or other, or so
much as to make it decent.
It was near five weeks that I
kept my bed and though the violence of my fever abated in three weeks, yet it
several times returned; and the physicians said two or three times, they
could do no more for me, but that they must leave nature and the distemper to
fight it out, only strengthening the first with cordials to maintain the
struggle. After the end of five weeks I grew better, but was so weak,
so altered, so melancholy, and recovered so slowly, that they physicians
apprehended I should go into a consumption; and which vexed me most, they
gave it as their opinion that my mind was oppressed, that something troubled
me, and, in short, that I was in love. Upon this, the whole house was set
upon me to examine me, and to press me to tell whether I was in love or not,
and with whom; but as I well might, I denied my being in love at
all.
They had on this occasion a
squabble one day about me at table, that had like to have put the whole
family in an uproar, and for some time did so. They happened to be all
at table but the father; as for me, I was ill, and in my chamber. At
the beginning of the talk, which was just as they had finished their
dinner, the old gentlewoman, who had sent me somewhat to eat, called her maid
to go up and ask me if I would have any more; but the maid brought down word
I had not eaten half what she had sent me already.
'Alas, says the old lady, 'that
poor girl! I am afraid she will never be well.'
'Well!' says the elder brother,
'how should Mrs. Betty be well? They say she is in
love.'
'I believe nothing of it,' says
the old gentlewoman.
'I don't know,' says the eldest
sister, 'what to say to it; they have made such a rout about her being so
handsome, and so charming, and I know not what, and that in her hearing
too, that has turned the creature's head, I believe, and who knows what
possessions may follow such doings? For my part, I don't know what to
make of it.'
'Why, sister, you must
acknowledge she is very handsome,' says the elder
brother.'
'Ay, and a great deal handsomer
than you, sister,' says Robin, 'and that's your
mortification.'
'Well, well, that is not the
question,' says his sister; 'that girl is well enough, and she knows it well
enough; she need not be told of it to make her vain.'
'We are not talking of her being
vain,' says the elder brother, 'but of her being in love; it may be she is in
love with herself; it seems my sisters think so.'
'I would she was in love with
me,' says Robin; 'I'd quickly put her out of her pain.'
'What d'ye mean by that, son,'
says the old lady; 'how can you talk so?'
'Why, madam,' says Robin, again,
very honestly, 'do you think I'd let the poor girl die for love, and of one
that is near at hand to be had, too?'
'Fie, brother!', says the second
sister, 'how can you talk so? Would you take a creature that has not a groat
in the world?'
'Prithee, child,' says Robin,
'beauty's a portion, and good- humour with it is a double portion; I wish
thou hadst half her stock of both for thy portion.' So there was her
mouth stopped.
'I find,' says the eldest sister,
'if Betty is not in love, my brother is. I wonder he has not broke his
mind to Betty; I warrant she won't say No.'
'They that yield when they're
asked,' says Robin, 'are one step before them that were never asked to yield,
sister, and two steps before them that yield before they are asked;
and that's an answer to you, sister.'
This fired the sister, and she
flew into a passion, and said, things were some to that pass that it was time
the wench, meaning me, was out of the family; and but that she was not fit
to be turned out, she hoped her father and mother would consider of it as
soon as she could be removed.
Robin replied, that was business
for the master and mistress of the family, who where not to be taught by one
that had so little judgment as his eldest sister.
It ran up a great deal farther;
the sister scolded, Robin rallied and bantered, but poor Betty lost ground by
it extremely in the family. I heard of it, and I cried heartily, and
the old lady came up to me, somebody having told her that I was so
much concerned about it. I complained to her, that it was very
hard the doctors should pass such a censure upon me, for which they had no
ground; and that it was still harder, considering the circumstances I was
under in the family; that I hoped I had done nothing to lessen her esteem for
me, or given any occasion for the bickering between her sons and
daughters, and I had more need to think of a coffin than of being in
love, and begged she would not let me suffer in her opinion for anybody's
mistakes but my own.
She was sensible of the justice
of what I said, but told me, since there had been such a clamour among them,
and that her younger son talked after such a rattling way as he did,
she desired I would be so faithful to her as to answer her but
one question sincerely. I told her I would, with all my heart,
and with the utmost plainness and sincerity. Why, then, the question
was, whether there way anything between her son Robert and me. I told
her with all the protestations of sincerity that I was able to make, and as I
might well, do, that there was not, nor every had been; I told her that Mr.
Robert had rattled and jested, as she knew it was his way, and that I took it
always, as I supposed he meant it, to be a wild airy way of discourse that
had no signification in it; and again assured her, that there was not the
least tittle of what she understood by it between us; and that those who had
suggested it had done me a great deal of wrong, and Mr. Robert no service at
all.
The old lady was fully satisfied,
and kissed me, spoke cheerfully to me, and bid me take care of my health and
want for nothing, and so took her leave. But when she came down she
found the brother and all his sisters together by the ears; they were angry,
even to passion, at his upbraiding them with their being homely, and having
never had any sweethearts, never having been asked the question, and their
being so forward as almost to ask first. He rallied them upon
the subject of Mrs. Betty; how pretty, how good-humoured, how she sung
better then they did, and danced better, and how much handsomer she was; and
in doing this he omitted no ill-natured thing that could vex them, and
indeed, pushed too hard upon them. The old lady came down in the height
of it, and to put a stop it to, told them all the discourse she had
had with me, and how I answered, that there was nothing between Mr. Robert
and I.
'She's wrong there,' says Robin,
'for if there was not a great deal between us, we should be closer together
than we are. I told her I love her hugely,' says he, 'but I could never
make the jade believe I was in earnest.' 'I do not know how
you should,' says his mother; 'nobody in their senses could believe you
were in earnest, to talk so to a poor girl, whose circumstances you know so
well.
'But prithee, son,' adds she,
'since you tell me that you could not make her believe you were in earnest,
what must we believe about it? For you ramble so in your discourse,
that nobody knows whether you are in earnest or in jest; but as I find the
girl, by your own confession, has answered truly, I wish you would do so too,
and tell me seriously, so that I may depend upon it. Is there anything
in it or no? Are you in earnest or no? Are you distracted,
indeed, or are you not? 'Tis a weighty question, and I wish you would make us
easy about it.'
'By my faith, madam,' says Robin,
''tis in vain to mince the matter or tell any more lies about it; I am in
earnest, as much as a man is that's going to be hanged. If Mrs. Betty
would say she loved me, and that she would marry me, I'd have her tomorrow
morning fasting, and say, 'To have and to hold,' instead of eating my
breakfast.'
'Well,' says the mother, 'then
there's one son lost'; and she said it in a very mournful tone, as one
greatly concerned at it.
'I hope not, madam,' says Robin;
'no man is lost when a good wife has found him.'
'Why, but, child,' says the o